The spy and the poet

The spy and the poet

….Luuraja ja luuletaja….

Film, made by Toomas Hussar, inspiring enough and breath-taking from a perspective of hope.U got the idea?:) Spy and poet: what do they have in common?! Right: useless job. Usually, unnoticeable one. But if once they are being noticed, it goes for a story: life changing sometimes, or budget goverment reducing.

Hope about Estonian community could sincerely laugh at themselves and see real ridiculous situations they are seriously into.

As a foreigner in Estonia, I would claim it is a perfect piece of art which could describe conditions people go through on a level of differences here, Russian-Estonian mentality. In a movie it shows up an easy positive emotional clash, so different and common both ways.

Topics about independence (which is beloved one among Estonians), fool of art, freedom of artists, fun of love, breaking stereotypical social structures.

The most hilarious was to observe Mr. Sauter, who is Estonian, well, writer. He was bursting out laughing and I got a feeling everything, nevertheless I knew it anyhow, is a true.

A true Estonian community which is sincerely capable of having fun and analyzing itself. Honest, on a big screen within high-quality of picture and music on background.

Would love to compare this movie with works of Umberto Eco, but still not to such big scale. The film connects loads of allusions and reminiscences.  Mostly, American ones, but Russian and Estonian classics as well.

Softly, gently, still a bit chewing the same problem, but in a hilarious way, like frankly trembling whisker s of  “an Estonian Hemingway” Mr. Sauter.






Nations vs. Individuals

Integration-project Venemaa ja Eestimaa

Being honest, I was waiting for that kind of project during that long Estonian winter, which one caught April in its paws.

And it popped up. The project on a cultural basis. The project in theatre. The project of projects.

From time to time Russian-Estonian community seems to me more oppressed than a Belarusian one.  Belarusian people are oppressed by human rights’ swallowing, by their acceptance from no-exit situations. They continue to live up to that feeling of positive oppression, continue to exist.

In the meantime Russian-Estonian people seem to being killed by their own feelings/thoughts of oppression. They literally produce it on their own. No oppression from any governmental structures is strongly visible here as an oppression from human beings themselves. They rechew their own family memories of  being oppressed, of having unhappy soviet childhood and so on.

Sometimes I feel probably I am too negative about that point and I should not think about nations, but from my inner perspective good I gave up studying sociology. It brought me a chance to make up my own way of non-academic approach to any view of life.

To think morally, to speak about individuals, not about nations is good, but individuals make nations, culture creates a different system of punctuality /drinking /working /relaxing-whatever-concept.

And concepts could be everywhere as morality/non-morality unless we are capable to play with words.  And images.

Impressive, a gripping advertisement for performance just made me feel “I want to see it” … and..

Thanks to Peeter Sauter I got a ticket and personal interpreter to “Со Второго Взгляда / Teisest silmapilgust”, I am going deeper into Estonian culture with a hope to dig out something more, less loud, but sincerely catchier.



Постигая любовь

Постигая любовь по Халезину, в белорусском свободном театре.

Любовь показана разная: детская / идеальная/, семейная /в надеждах/, в политике, во мщении. Любовь можно обнаружить везде, если отслеживать, откуда растут ноги: разочарованная маленькая девочка, не видевшая своего отца удостаивается встретить его дважды за всю жизнь и выработать “своё” негативное чувство любви: он принес мне ириски, карамель, но отец-то должен знать, что его ребенок любит ШоКоЛаДнЫе. Непонимание и потерянность, разочарованность не дают сформировать детскому миру понятие любви к отцу. Чувство любви к отцу.

“Недосформированная, обиженная любовь”. Непонятная школьная уехавшая любовь. Соседская благодарная любовь. Родственная поглощающая любовь: “бабушкина” любовь поколений и нескончаемых историй. Выживания любовь, яркая, слёзная, укутанная в надежды.

Постигая любовь.



The wolfpack

Yesterday. Cinema Artis.

Art is going into cinema. Documentary about people. Just people who chose their own lifestyle. And decided to create own community not by converting, but by making from scratch. They made about 5 children and closed them into an american flat with no permission to get out. The idea belongs to a psycho disorder of parents. Result itself seems good as far as boys are extremely intellegent and American society would become better by having everybody locked into a flat for several years in a row.

The movie is full of exaggeration and vagueness. It is too sceptical. As I am.

And “the wolfpack” – why? Are they really wolves? And who is their leader then?

Shaky movie. As our human state.





Eesti keele Õpetaja

project of teaching is an interesting idea, but not for a such kind of open youth center (no schedule, discipline, no obligations). Everything depends on human responsibility and a good family education, what we can rarely see even among adults. But the idea for children to teach is the best one. They become double thinkers : somebody starts to apply their knowledge in all ways, others are not afraid of being misunderstood and teach Estonian in Estonian with a high child’s creativity (see pictures). But when adults come, they easily print you pages from Wikipedia. Would it mean that to become a good teacher you should be a child?  Collage

Back to Filago

7th of December we arrived to Italy, Filago, to take the corset off. So, we basically were on the way to finish the project “Help to Danila“.

8th of December was a holiday for whole Italian nation, la festa della Madonna. That day the organisation ran another project: Viktoria, who was hosted more than 10 years ago by Italian family (Canzio and Annalena) got a rare form of cancer. There are harsh conditions and a lot of mistakes done in Belarus. So, the commitee of Filago decided to raise money in order to help her. Except of money, they are going to get Italian consultation for her, wheel chair and more, what could be needed.

9th of December the Danila’s corset was taken off. It  would be quite cold for him now, but the back is perfect, so the project has been done well. We had a small talk with doctors, were invited to have a hot chocolate with them, so I got a feeling of a real “human approach” of caring about people, of being into society that is responsible one.

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Free monkey

Since 24th of November I understood that Mank’i (abbreviation of Mustamae youth center) is quite free in their decisions. But it is not about the politics of organisation, it is about freedom of actions. Children are free there. If they want, they can come and just sit there, doing nothing. Nobody is in charge of forcing you to play, run or go to any workshops.

If you want, you are free to join. For example, this week (25 – 26th of November) we had some workshops of making soft swords. And they were free to join. Even if one person is there, workshop will have a place.

Such a weird concept of freedom. Still thinking about if it is freedom.

The same day we had a guest, who deals with restoration. He brought a lot of interesting things: chain mail, real swords, crash steel helmets, – and explained many curious details such as why real vikings did not have any horns on a helmet.

But the most curious detail was that just three-four out of ten were interested in his stories and trying on “old stuff”. Others were playing in the same board game of dragons in which they play almost every day.

Freedom is about choice. Free monkey, anyway.

Child protection

According to my volunteerism in Estonia, I should not only run my projects, it could be better if I would gain something new as well. So, we /on 24th of November/  went to the Mustamae center of child protection. It was successfully run  in Estonian.

Thanks to “forced by me” translator, I got some meaningful thoughts about Estonian society:

  1. They have drugs’ addicted people, therefore, children suffer hardship.
  2. They try hard to change these people or children’s sufferings. Or both.

Then we went to an interesting, quite young (no more than 1 year) center where children can come every day. But they are special. Children from problem families. Usually, this center invites their parents as well in order to have some activities together: art manual therapy, workshops, cooking, learning overall.

It works, – they say.

At least, children are in a calm place for some hours, – I think.



Sometimes I think that people aged under 18 are strong believers. They are really believers in the best and can not afford another way of being. Or it is realted to Estonian people, or just to this one center.

I do not remember myself being such a believer. Perhaps I have just got some memory problems.

My Estonian class is working well and my teacher Alvar created a speacial workbook for me, where I should carry out tests and homework. It is an amazing workbook, where you should draw as well.

Once in a while I think about running a project where society  could build special communities, where we would learn only from children. They are real believers. We, adults, always do not have it.

One day Alvar and Marianne, teens of about 14 years old, my Estonian teachers, invited me to participate into a theatre acting. I was absolutely up to it until I have known it would be a play reading in Estonian. And I said them: “But how come? I can hardly ever speak Estonian”. I did not get any answer, I got papers with repliques of my character and got instruction: “It is your turn! Start!”


They even did not doubt. No doubt. At all. The acting started.